Get Uncomfy Fat Lard.

This Chubster has some new routines!!!

After speaking with my beautiful bad ass trainer, she sent me my next couple weeks of training. I looked it over, and all that kept going through my mind was, “I DO NOT JUMP.” This bitch was not meant to leave the ground. I’m fucking solid.

In high school team gymnastics, I was ALWAYS the base. I was not meant to be thrown, flown, or otherwise lifted from the good earth.

And here my trainer has me jumping over, on, and to either side of things. Not only am I pretty sure I’ll look like a penguin…

The post jump walk is particularly impressive.

…but I’m already trying to figure out how I can best strap my girls to my chest as tightly as possible. That struggle is real.

However. Once I got over this initial fear based reaction, I am determined. It’s time to get UNCOMFORTABLE. I’m applying the mildly accurate saying:

“In order to have something you’ve never had before you’ve got to do something you’ve never done before.” – a twat

But I’m going to run with it for now. This of course means doing something (aka. Jumping) that makes me uncomfortable, over and over again. Not like I don’t do that daily just trying to put on a pair of jeans.

Haha Jeans. I’m hilarious. More like stretchy pants. Cause nothing says “I’ve given up” like yoga pants on a chubby chick.

Not that this stops me from wearing them. Yes I’m a Fatty in yoga pants. But I’ve earned the right. I gym. You can’t tell by the strategically placed rolls and  cellulite that I’ve covered my body with. That’s just a disguise so you’ll underestimate me.

I may be soft and “curvy” as the more politically correct fat chicks out there prefer to call it, but I am strong af.

The other day in the gym I was doing clap push ups. A beautiful blonde bombshell who couldn’t have weighed more then my left leg approached me and told me she was impressed. I asked her why. She said, she didn’t think I would have been able to do those. Now, I know what you’re thinking, but honestly, I don’t think she meant it in a mean way. That didn’t stop me from fantasizing about how far back I could bend her stringy little neck while I smiled and chatted in a friendly manner.


Watch out skinny bitches, I’m undercover AND uncomfortable af.



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